Shatnerific!
Artifice Gordon's new book is out! Hailed by critics the world over as a must-have (we're serious). Go buy it for someone you love!

 

 

November 9-November 15, 1998

We're so down, we're up.

We're jiggy.

We're from the street, man.

Word to your modem.

11.9.98

The Truth Is Annoying

There are men and women in this world who are teases. You know them. They tantalize you with their wares. They make the future seem possible. Then they act erratic and stupid and impossible and inconsistent, and they leave you frustrated and you vow never to trust them again.

But they come back. And they look good. All brown and yummy and full of promises.

HoleCity's infatuation with The X-Files has officially come to an end, and so, too, we predict, will the nation soon follow. We haven't heard a note this monotonous since Ravi Shankar in the Concert for Bangladesh.

Guess what? In Sunday's premiere, Mulder and Scully almost saw proof that there are aliens! Can you believe it??? They were this close. But of course, even after getting a chip implanted in the back of her head, seeing Mulder carted off in the back of a truck with an alien and hearing stories of alien baby farms, Scully's still skeptical. Would someone please put an explosive device in one of Gillian Anderson's mega-high-heels?

And next week? Next week, naturally, they'll have forgotten everything they've learned to this point, and they'll be investigating mutant cockroaches from Des Moines.


Newt Gingrich, a local-boy-made-good, has finally ascended to the political office he was born to hold. Cynics say he's been grooming himself for the position instead of governing all these years. But finally there's no denying one fact: Gingrich is Satan.


And then, every week we are subjugated to endless rants from paid professionals on a story so blatant even Brent Jones can think of it. And he does, every week. You can set his IQ to it.


Quick! What's the worst show on television not airing on UPN, not featuring Brian Benben, and not causing an uproar among civil rights groups and loopy Abraham Lincoln aficionados?

"This is Ted Danson like you've never seen him before." They must be referring to his now-rugless head.


Safire is probably best known for calling Hillary Clinton a congenital liar back in '96 (to which Bill Clinton presumably responded, "Heh-heh…he said 'genital.'")

 

 

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