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There's this Other Website. It's been around a bit longer than we have, and it's long since been purchased by Corporation Evil, a.k.a. Microsoft. Anyway, this Other Site does political and social commentary. And they've got this slogan, see, a twist on the phrase "like shooting fish in a barrel." Mediocrity aside, we know what they mean. |
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Our job is to sift through the rubble of everyone's favorite Box, and tell you what you might've missed last night. But every so often comes a program so unbelievably bad, it's friggin' hard to mock. But what the hell. Here goes. |
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The Fox Tuesday Night Movie last night was the 1995 classic Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare. Come on, admit it. You watched about five minutes, because you saw Robert Hays was the star, and you thought maybe it'd be an Airplane-style spoof. Well, you were close. It was supposed to be dramatic. But drama's never tasted so hilarious. (Say...maybe that could be Fox's new fall slogan?) |
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This thing was so bad, it's hard to do it justice here. Through the whole production, they used a low-flying plane with buzzing noises in the background for a Bee's-Eye View. Every time the killer bees got someone---the first time they were enraged by an amorous couple leaning against a car horn; later it was feedback from a wedding reception guitar---we got a literal close-up of a bee's eye. Grrrrr. Then we got the sage old beekeeper who actually said: "Something has the bees very upset." You see, he could just sense it. |
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Every single person in this California town knew bee trivia. One guy put honey on his hamburger, and then spouted fifteen minutes of scientific bee data. Sure, it sounds funny. But we swear, they weren't kidding. We kept expecting someone to pop out of the bushes and say, "Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such disaster films as Gopher: The Demon Beneath Us and Psycho Garden Radishes Of Doom...." |
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It's weird. Some tube-folk don't know how close they are to a truly hilarious script. Throw in Leslie Nielsen and an inflatable dummy to grab Julie Haggarty's chest, and they might've really had something.... |