September 7 - September 12, 1999

Six Candles?

A Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini?

Well.

We're gonna party like its nine ninety-nine.

 

9.7.99

"I see a new freedom in your future"

Cheryl Burnham, a secretary with the Los Angles County Department of Social Services was sentenced to 30 days in jail last week for making over 2,500 calls to a Psychic hotline. On the county's dime, thank you.

Reportedly, Miss Burnham would call at the drop of a hat, "Sometimes she would just call, maybe for some quick advice." confessed a hotline worker. We can imagine these calls, after all we're stuck with a co-worker who yaps on the horn all day, seeking advice on the mundane decisions of daily life, and sometimes worse.

Did we really need to know that there was blood in it?

And now, with all the publicity, poor Cheryl is going to have a hell of a time finding work. So if you can find it in your heart, won't you please contribute to her trust fund?

Checks can be made payable to "Nancy", Rancho Intolerente, CA 90666.


Looking like a cross between the cast of Braveheart and a GWAR show, these enormous uber-dudes have names like Herger the Joyous and Helfdane the Large.


You know what, Cris? You stop fellating Uncle Rupert by appearing on Guinness World Records, then talk to us about proper use of TV technology.


She got breast implants before she was old enough to vote, and wears a Catholic school uniform while singing "Hit me, baby, one more time." Think that image wasn't created by an aging male and his "marketing tool?"


By obsessively studying classic films while telling customers that their copy of Adam Sandler Urinates In Public must be returned by Monday, teens believe they'll end up like Quentin Tarantino. This might not be far off, since it looks like Quentin Tarantino will end up back working in a video store.