Shat Chat!
Artifice Gordon's new book is out! Encyclopdia Shatnerica is sure to be a runaway hit. Go get it!

 

 

November 2-November 8, 1998

That popping you keep hearing?

Don't worry, its just the sound of our heads exploding.

11.2.98

Nobody Expects The Spanish Inquisition!

Pope John Paul II, the pontiff who's really got his finger on the pulse of modern Catholic society, issued a statement this weekend, saying that the Roman Catholic Church should take a clear, "objective" look at the Inquisition before making any apologies.

How comforting, first of all, to know that the Pope's taking on 1998's most crucial issues. Rumor from the Vatican is ol' J.P.'s next procolomation will be that "da Vinci was really a heretical, cross-dressing bastard."

Let's see. Millions of people persecuted for their religious beliefs for hundreds of years. Most of those people tortured and then burned at the stake. And the Pope wants us to be "objective" before we condemn the practice. Too bad El Papa's compassion doesn't extend to global overpopulation and rampant worldwide homophobia. Ah, well. When you're Pope, you choose your battles wisely.


Seems he has a speech impediment, and we all know that means he's a little light in his loafers. Do you want your news from a fey Elmer Fudd?


There's a very rich panorama of characters here: Norma, the religious nut who says repeatedly that Jesus wants her to win that truck; Jane, a woman with no incisors (we're not kidding here!); Barry in his starched jeans...it goes on.


"We'll be determining if the stresses of zero gravity will reduce further the intelligence of her studio audience, and examining if they drool any differently in that environment."


...Wallace will die in a radiation chamber after heroically saving the rest of the show's correspondents from a potentially calamitous leak in the reactor core.


A slight deviation from their ideal can bring a torrent of sobbing and screaming from these ungrateful little deadbeats.

 

 

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