PREMIERE
ISSUE

SEPTEMBER
1997

NFL Whack-A-Mole

Anyone still think Green Bay's going 19-0? Talk, talk, talk: Cheeseheads are taking mouth-lessons from Dallas. Chris Jacke, they hardly screwed ye. Speaking of which, Chris Boniol --- the NFL's most sullen man --- had his consecutive FG streak end; no wonder: Barry Switzer doesn't have a gun trained between Boniol's eyes.

By the way, good thing CBS cleared its decks of football three years ago, in favor of cost-saving events like the U.S. Open. CBS Sports' Motto? "We Still Got Golf!" Anyone else glued to the Rafter/ Rusedsky final?

No CBS means tons o' Fox, and Fox coverage is mega-corporate. The NFC product is vastly superior, so maybe you didn't notice, but if we see one more Ally McBeal commercial, John Madden's bus is gonna have an accident. Even though Fox had the doubleheader this week, when a couple early games ended half-an-hour early, they refused to switch to competitive games; instead, we got Terry Bradshaw's skull-glimmer and a constant barrage of 90210 promos (evidently, the season starts with a bang!).

How 'bout that Jesse Armstead/ Tony Bosselli, Giants/ Jags rivalry? For the uninitiated, Armstead hurt Jacksonville QB Mark Brunnell's knee in an exhibition game (with a clean hit), and Bosselli vowed revenge. Sure enough, they made like Michael Westbrook in the first quarter, though what fisticuffs through facemasks accomplishes we'll leave for folks jockier than ourselves. Regardless, that 2009 Super Bowl is shaping up to be a real grudge match.

Notice how cruddy the league's been treating running quarterbacks? Take the four most legitimate inheritors of Steve Young's mantle: Kordell Stewart, Brunnell, Tony Banks, Jim Harbaugh. Brunnell's out, Harbaugh keeps getting the snot knocked out of him, Banks had 3 fumbles to add to his 21 from '96; only Stewart looks good. Face it: it's easy to get your ass kicked leaving the pocket. And how about Young? Here's our question of the day: If his woozy career's over today, does he go to Canton? One championship, two MVPs, a lotta pine? Lynn Swann ain't in the Hall....

Finally: Think all-time homer Chris Berman still likes Frisco against Buffalo in January? More importantly: will ESPN dock his pay if neither makes the playoffs?