A Girl Named
There are two highly
effective methods to lose a lot of money in a very short
1. Overextend oneself in a
speculative stock market bubble.
2. Punch Jim Kelly.
Jim Harbaugh chose route #2,
and the Super-Bowl-viewing public thanks him. Harbaugh, with
the testosterone-addled logic of all NFL players, responded
to Kelly's recent criticism by breaking a pinky on Kelly's
head. The fragile bones of the human hand are apparently no
match for a sloping brow and receding hairline.
Poor Harbaugh must be as
confused and disappointed as Charlie Sheen at a John Lee
Hooker concert. Two years removed from the AFC Championship
game, Captain Comeback had been forced to settle for the
handsome salary offered by the hapless Colts. Now he can't
play and he won't get paid. Harbaugh must watch the Colts
for free, something residents of Indianapolis gave up on a
long time ago.
Because his injury was not
football related, Harbaugh must wave goodbye (with his left
hand) to his weekly salary of $147K. He'll get paid again
when the hand is ready to resume tackling defensive backs.
This isn't the first time the Captain Comeback has given up
his paycheck. While at the helm of the Bears in the early
'90s, Harbaugh donated one week's pay to charity. Orphans
are deserving and all, but humanity was better served this
Jim Kelly questions the
toughness of Jim Harbaugh, and Jim Harbaugh responds
violently. A few years ago, sportstalk weasel Jim Rome
questioned the toughness of Jim Everett, and Jim Everett
responded violently. Remember that? Granted, it was
delightful to see the reptilian Rome nearly swallow his
lavaliere microphone in fear when Everett came after him.
Even better was Rome's post-Dockers-wetting analysis that
after calling Everett "Chris" the third time, the point had
been made. The point was that Jim Rome is a wanker.
Why are Jims questioning the
manhood of other Jims? Are attempted throttlings the only
acceptable response for any self-respecting affronted Jim?
If you are named Jim and you are not certifiably insane,
email SportsHole with your courageous
story. Bonus points if you're an NFL quarterback.