February 7 - 13, 2000

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana'?

2.7.00

"...And This Is Little Gerhard..."

Gerhard Spitz and Martina Steindorf were married at a Las Vegas casino last week. And were subsequently introduced to one another.

The bride and groom, who had literally never met, were married by Rev. Peter Billitteri. They wore masks throughout the ceremony. The marriage was arranged by a German (naturally) radio station that held a contest to find the most compatible, likable couple.

"It's fate that we are joined," Spitz said. His new bride evidently is somewhat less a believer in predestiny, as she shook violently through the ceremony. In related news, Germans were very preoccupied with the radio promotion, and thus did not invade Poland.

 


If you're feeling uninspired by what's playing at your local dodacahedroplex, we understand. Sweet Jesus, how we understand. .

He and his listeners are metabolically incapable of removing themselves from 1994. Guess they got laid then.


Paul hears how depressed and dependent he is on her, and he just waves goodbye. See? Everything's Yoko's fault!

...large groups of extremely volatile men huddled around televisions the size of a Volkswagen Beetles, consuming large portions of bean dip, hardly equates in our book with a night at the symphony. Hell, a Hee-Haw reunion at the Grand Ol' Opry has more class.


...the man can do more with a pizza box than anyone this side of Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger.