March 15-March 21, 1999

When you're Florida A&M and you barely squeezed into the Tourney.

When your regular season record was 12-18.

When you get your doors completely blown off by Duke.

Well, it still can be fun to finish last....

 

 

3.15.99

Canuck Trek 1: The Revenge of Sheikh Zaid

Three Canadian adventurers completed a 40-day trek across the scorching desert of Arabia's Empty Quarter this weekend. They're experienced dudes who have traversed the mountains of Calgary dozens of times, and set out to be the first Westerners to cross the 620-mile Arabian desert by camel since British explorer Sir Wilfred Thesiger's journey in 1947.

On entering friendly terrain this past Sunday, they were received by the leader of the United Arab Emirates, President Sheikh Zaid bin Sultain al-Nahayan. The president invited the Canadians to his palace, plied them with wonderful spices and drinks and gifts from his esteemed land. Then, Sunday night, al-Nahayan requested a formal audience with the adventurers, at which dancing girls and scimitar-wielding guards contributed to the festivities.

Al-Nahayan raised his hands for cheering and then silence, walked regally over to the brave adventurers, and whispered his noble comment:

"Why the fuck?"

 

The White Trash Index takes a closer look at one of our major holdings: Let's all visit the Land of Luby...


Cage is investigating what might be a snuff film, but everyone agrees that snuff films are mythical, like profitable webzines or HMOs that care.


Absolutely run, do not walk, to see Analyze This, the drop-dead-funniest comedy in years. It's Billy Crystal's best work since My Giant, and that girl from Friends is a real find. I laughed till I wee-weed....


We hate to mock the hyper-intense Williams, but man, hasn't it been fun watching the glitterati of the NCAA set crash and burn like a Bobby Knight crackpipe?


And to their credit, A&E kept the ludicrous cleavage to a minimum. It's almost as if Pimp '99 was playing to primarily women in their mid-30s to late-40s...oh, wait. It was.


Meanwhile, the creative geniuses who wrought Pussy Galore, Plenty O'Toole and Holly Goodhead are still managing to keep it real for seventh grade boys everywhere.