May 18--May 24, 1998

This week HoleCity nods good-bye to the smoothest cat of the century, the real King, Frank Sinatra.

He did things big, that's for sure. Big songs, big voice, big movies, big women, big mobster buddies. The swingin', ball-breakin' times of Frank's youth had pretty well passed him by, but that doesn't mean he wasn't still cool. So long, Frankie, it's been swell.

5.18.98

Put One In The Morgue

Talks collapsed Saturday between Microsoft and government officials, making likely the filing of a big antitrust suit against the software giant Monday. All we can say is: Where's Eliot Ness when you really need him?

You remember that scene from The Untouchables. Sean Connery gives Kevin Costner a lesson about life as a G-Man: "They take out one of yours, you take out two of theirs. They put one of yours in the hospital, you put one of theirs in the morgue." That's it, boys. Let's get ready to rumble.

Anyone who knows anything about the computer world wants Microsoft to lose, and lose badly. They're scary. Talk to a Microsoft employee and you get the glazed-over visage of someone who bought the brochure. You hear talk about vesting and stock options. You hear talk about domination.

And now Bill Gates releases a videotape of his reaction every time there's a new development in the lawsuit? Big Brother ain't just watchin'. He's actively participating.

So get out the gats, you Feds. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.


if we are going to see scantily clad babes, show us the goods. Don't go tossing about obscure camera angles...


"We recognized the inevitability of Cameron's ascension to worldwide royalty and felt it would be advantageous to have him on our side early,"


First, the Washington Firearms told pouty forward Chris Webber to shove his mealy-mouthed, two-faced, trash-talking, no-game act, and dealt him to the Sacramento Boysenberries.


Be truthful: didn't you expect Norman Fell or Don Knotts to come bumbling up next, looking for Jack, Janet and Chrissy?


Nike is reportedly also considering letting Asian employees go home on weekends and reducing canings to once a week.