October 5-October 11, 1998

Boo.

Sure, we're early. It ain't the end of October. But hell, the Reese's have been out in full force for a month. Can't we join in?

So the dead rise. The morbid smile. And the insane...laugh.

10.5.98

Buh-Bye.

Northwest Airlines flight attendants are kicking up a hissy-fit because the company is giving free drink coupons to frequent fliers as an apology for the recent pilots' strike. Evidently, Teamsters Local 2000, which represents the disgruntled snack-cart mavens, is really really worried that the policy will "worsen an existing problem of passenger aggression toward flight attendants."

For every one of us who's endured a snarling, fang-faced, fortysomething stewardess who takes makeup tips from Mimi on Drew Carey, we say: Huh?

This is a major problem? Passengers are mean to flight attendants? We looked it up, and really, besides the Barf Bag Riots of 1984 and the Extra Peanut-Packet Rebellion of 1992, there doesn't seem to be much foundation for the union's claim. And by the way: the next time a surly ignorant bitch tells you to move your fat ass because the plane needs more ballast in back, the union suggests you use the following polite phrase, which consists of three words: "You first, fatty."


Then you try to break into Hollywood, and those slick showbiz bastards slip you the shiv with Rumble in the Bronx. You'd kill yourself if you thought you could die.


Even more troubling for baseball purists was McGwire's subsequent admission that he had been "hopped up on goofballs" the day he swatted his 62nd home run to break Roger Maris' 37-year-old record.


And, oh, was it special. It opened with a shot of Savage's character, supposedly just out of high school despite the fact that he has the desperate air of a twenty-year-veteran used car salesman.


The charming combination of shotgun ownership and home distilleries has been joined by NASCAR in the pantheon of that most oxymoronic of terms, "Southern Culture."