August 10-August 16, 1998

Never Fear. HoleCity's Here.

Despair is most certainly the deadliest of the Seven Deadly Sins. Actually, Sloth and Greed are actually kinda cuddly....

Don't despair. Only wholesome humor found here.

8.10.98

You Want Pain? We Got Pain.

Pain is Sunday afternoon. Housework to be done. Dogs need attention. Cupboard completely bare. And Jenilee Harrison hawking The Infinite Dress.

The world has gone psycho. Doesn't Ms. Harrison (Three's Company, Dallas) know that Joyce "L'Eggs" Dewitt's total career silence isn't incidental? An infomercial is bad enough, but this one's just unbelievable. It begins, naturally enough, with the following quote: "Well, I'm just one of those women who always has to wear a bra under her dress."

Ruh? Raggy?

The Infinite Dress is a $3.99 strip of velour whose straps and wraps can cantilever into a million-and-one positions, all of which make you look like Vanna White before Pat Sajack upped the clothing budget. And Harrison's raccoon-eyed, "backstage" pandering (during which she swears on the life of her children than The Infinite Dress is all the rage in Paris) makes you need a shower.

Ouch.


"Do you want me to read your note to the entire class?" asked Chief Justice William Rehnquist as he grabbed the note, which Starr was attempting to pass to Clinton...


Since the day Tyson first signed to fight Holyfield in 1991, he's been ducking more furiously than Manute Bol in a Hyundai.


"I don't know what Jeff is so uptight about," said ex-con Todd Bridges. "The name never hurt my career."

Dammit, we want the exact amount of cocaine John Belushi ingested in metric tons. We want to see Meat Loaf passed out in a pool of his own vomit.


The following are two things Chief Justice William Rehnquist will never say: "My country club has several Jewish members" and "President Al Gore."