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In politics, you think "super," you think Bill Clinton's genitalia. Late word from Deposition Land this past weekend indicated that much of the questioning in the Clinton Sex Trial centered around the President's most Presidential part. Arkansas Willy's willy is evidently Washington Monument sized; one only wonders how it, Bill and Paula Jones's schnozz even fit into the same hotel room. When reached for comment, court clerk Ida Dunham fumbled for words. "He's like a horse," said Mrs. Dunham. "He was very nice. The judge asked him to recreate the evening in question. He drank a fifth of Jack, got some pork rinds from his coat pocket, and took out a remote control. Since we don't have a TV in the courthouse, he asked the Secret Service to act out skits from Hee Haw. Then, well, he whipped it out." Contacted for his reaction, Newt Gingrich said, "I'm bigger." Contacted from beyond the grave, Vince Foster talked libel. "Remember, ghosts can see through bathroom stalls, people. Mr. Gingrich will be hearing from my client." Meanwhile, Paula Jones, fresh off her nomination for People Magazine's "Top 50 People Who Couldn't Get Molested In The Dallas Cowboy Locker Room" issue, got a new hairstyle in order to approximate her new idol, Kathie Lee Gifford. "I'm gonna get Frank Gifford," said a breathy Jones after hearing of the announcer's demotion to pre-game studio host of ABC's long-running Monday Night Football. "I'm gonna bite his b**** and squeeze his s******. Then I'm gonna stick my f***** up his a******." On leaving the courthouse, Jones finished by saying: "Oh. Then I'm going to sue him for sexual harassment." Clinton himself, as one might expect, was fairly taciturn on the subject of his testimony. At a Dickheads Anonymous fund-raiser for imprisoned star Christian Slater, the President---dashing as ever in his "Bubba Likes It" tuxedo---employed the Linda Lavin Rule. "If we were talking about a little hottie," said the President while walking from his limo, "well, then I'd have settled. But this chick is ugly, kids. No one went into Mel's Diner and touched Alice's butt. They were all after Flo. "Let's face it, boys. This Paula Jones chick ain't no Flo." Mr. Clinton then retired to an evening of celebrity speeches and breasts.  .Tubemaster
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