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Five Types Of TV Warnings |
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Take heart. The big networks care about your sensibilities. Here are five thoughtful content warnings:
 L (Language). George Carlin had it wrong. There used to be way more than seven words you couldn't say on television. But the list is now considerably smaller. As long as NYPD Blue displays an "(L)" before airing, viewers will be afforded the freedom of hearing the words "dickweed," "douchebag," and "dirtshoot." |
D (Dialogue). It's a subtle difference, but the dialogue warning is different from the language warning. Language alerts viewers they may be offended by individual words, while dialogue alerts viewers of something written by George Lucas. |
S (Sex). These days, it may be difficult to define what constitutes a sex act, but since talking about sex is covered in other categories, the "(S)" warning is reserved for either bare skin or thrusting. If you see simultaneous bare skin and thrusting, it's not TV, it's HBO. |
V (Violence). Advocacy groups frequently trot out the amazing stat about how the average eight-year old has seen thousands of violent acts on television. The watchdogs fail to point out that the number has declined dramatically since eight-year olds stopped watching local news. An unfortunate side effect of this viewing shift is most eight-year olds no longer know vital public news like high school football scores and which restaurants failed their health inspection. |
FV (Fantasy Violence). Violence isn't nearly so harmful when it's fantasy violence. Future ratings include Fantasy Language (Angela Lansbury saying "pudwhacker"), Fantasy Dialogue (George Lucas, as read by Steven Seagal), and Fantasy Sex (Jennifer Aniston thrusting on Drew Carey).
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